We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
