I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
