k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
