I'm so fucking centered right now
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
