one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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