HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
