So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
my being single is dangerous.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
