____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
