he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
