i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
