It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have post one night stand depression
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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