I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
