We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Randomize
