I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
