Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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