We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
