her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
