Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
