they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
