Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
