I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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