i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
