HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
