i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
