I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
