how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
