i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
