oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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