Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
