I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
