Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
