Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
