I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
