I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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