Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
