i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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