dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
