Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
