I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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