Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
