Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
