He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
