smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
