She's JV to your varsity
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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