this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
