ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
