Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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