1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
