He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Randomize
