Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My ass is underappreciated
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
