Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
please come you make the beer taste better
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
