Nicole vs. Life
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His nipple licking is glorious
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