Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Never underestimate the power of titties
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
