38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i love accidental penises.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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