he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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