He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
