I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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