Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
