so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
